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Brad Dunse

Music Industry Copywriter

Don’t Animal House Your E-mail

Little rant disclosure here. But don’t think you’ll mind.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed a trend in my in-box.

And, I love it to bits.  And if you’re on your game, you will too. Because your competitors just might be falling for this one.

More on the, ‘why,’ in a second. For now, I’ve got a bold, “I don’t care if you even know,” confession to make.

It’s about the e-mails I’m talking about in my in-box. I subscribe to them for one reason and one reason only.

To see who are the “follow me” fanboys.

What is this fanboy tribe and what are they doing?

So called direct response copywriters who take the lazy way out

 Blindly duplicating what someone else is doing in e-mail.

And what do I do when I see it?

Laugh.

It’s amusing to watch fanboys gush over their ‘goorus’ and try cloning them.

Don’t people have a mind of their own?

They assume just because some outfit is sending a certain kind of e-mail, they should too.

I see this happening in the music industry…

When I see anything come in from them at all.

What duh…?

Well, first of all, not every business type or niche is the same.

So, you have to put your brain in the mix.

Second, I’m seeing a lot of graphics with…

“Get your chirpy savings with our 30% off Springtime sale”

Then, rattle off a bunch of other percentages on products with equally boring graphics with chincy holiday or seasonal metaphors.

Or, this is an oldie but a goodie…

every week or so it’s a, “Last chance 50% off,” subject line.

Really? That’s the best you can do?

 Exciting? Not.

Lazy? Absolutely.

And those graphic laden e-mails? No text. No information.

Just a huge ego assuming because they graced someone’s in-box with a one-liner cutie graphic pitch, they’ll click in and purchase.

More than likely, the e-mail is open for less than three seconds before it makes the bin. If it’s opened at all.

Why even bother writing one in the first place?

The clichés are about as predictable as, “Ask your doctor if TrollFlex is right for you.” And listen to two-minutes of side-effects which will kill you.

Come on ow.

The only reason people toss in the graphics and throw out a cliché sales discount line is…

They’ve heard they have to keep some kind of e-mail presence in people’s in-box

And they actually think they are keeping a relationship going with this?

I think not.

They are training their customers numb.

The only thing they might get… maybe… are a few open rates if they have a subject line which happens to hit something. About as good a chance as a bullseye in a blind-folded dart tournament.

Even the stuff I’m half interested in which comes in, I don’t click through… let alone make a purchase.

So what’s the point here?

Don’t follow the Lemming about to jump off the revenue cliff

Use your brain, man.

Just because you see an e-mail tactic, doesn’t mean they are getting results. There’s a lot of that going on. People following people who follow people who follow people…

Wondering where the results are, and assuming the one they followed is getting them, so they’ll keep insanity rolling.

Reminds me of that old 70s movie, Animal House. The band leader walks into a dead end alley, and the whole marching band keeps walking until there’s nothing but bodies and tubas piled everywhere.

What that means for you and me… is opportunity

Listen, nothing replaces getting to know your audience. Tuning into their needs. Then filling it.

Do the research. Get in their head.  Write something which answers their question bone.

And if you can’t?

Well, then don’t Animal House your e-mail.

Maybe it’s high time you pick up the phone or e-mail me to get you fixed up with e-mails that work for your customers.

Let’s do it.

 

 

Brad is a member of:

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The Professional Writers' Alliance
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